Living a Loss is Painful and Difficult. Increased Mortality Risk after Parental Death.

A long time ago, I once read, “No two people can ever go to each other’s funeral.” It gave me goosebumps back then and still does when I think about it. Because even though it is the truth and it is logical, it is terrifying.

Living a loss is painful and difficult.

However, findings suggest that the quality of the early parent-child bond is related to later grief reactions, as discussed in the first Teachable Point Of View (TPOV) post regarding the different coping mechanisms for grief.

Some might even experience relief when their parent passes away because of previous responsibilities or commitments.

This post will look at the effect of losing a parent, which is a stage that comes before grief.

Research has shown that health can be interdependent between people who are closely and socially connected, which can mean that children who have a parent that is suffering from an illness or passes away, that their health can be affected by it. This case of increased mortality risk also goes for married couples, for instance, the so-called “widowhood”, or bereavement effect. Many might have heard before that a person passes and their spouse gets ill or passes away not long after. It indicates an increased mortality risk amongst people who deal with illness or the death of someone they are socially tied to. It is said that “Parental death and the period following bereavement has been regarded a traumatic life event that increases stress levels in children and raises their vulnerability to disease and illness (Marks, Jun, & Song, 2007; Perkins & Harris 1990). These effects work via the sympathetic nervous system, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, the neuroendocrine systems, and the immune systems (Li, Precht, & Mortensen, 2003; McEwen, 1998). Earlier theories have suggested that both the timing, when the events occur, and sequencing patterns, in what order the events occur, influence the effects on the subsequent life course (Elder, 1977, 1994). Studies have found that some events, such as the death of a parent, are especially difficult and disruptive when they happen off-time, or too early in a person’s life (Kuh & Ben-Shlomo, 2002, 2004).”

One can argue that outside such a period, an increased mortality risk can still be a result. However, the association with a parent’s illness or death will be weaker once a child is in their adult years. Illness or death becomes more the course of life once people pass a certain age. Therefore, if it happens “off-time” or because of an unnatural cause (e.g., an accident, murder), the association with it becomes much more vital. In a person’s youth or (young) adolescence, there is little to no expectation to deal with a parent’s illness or death. Hence, if it does happen, it can increase their stress levels, difficulties with grief, acceptance of death, and they could be more prone to suffer from mental issues or disorders. In ‘Journal of Marriage and Family’ the following is mentioned, “Hence, to sum up, we expected, the death of a parent will have a strong influence on minor offspring mortality and a weaker effect on adult offspring mortality; male children are more vulnerable than female children; a mother’s death has a more profound influence than a father’s death; and parental deaths from unnatural causes have a stronger impact on offspring mortality than unnatural parental deaths.”

You can read more about it in this article.

Another study has been conducted, "interviewing forty midlife adults, twenty-two women and eighteen men, who had experienced the loss of a parent in order to study the long-term impact of parent death. The sample included thirty-six father deaths and eleven mother deaths. Findings suggest that the quality of the early parent-child bond was related to later grief reactions. Gender differences were found in degree of response to death of the father-women demonstrated greater affect than men-while both men and women demonstrated strong affect following the death of the mother. Parent death preceded a time of upheaval and transition for most of the sample, and this upheaval was related to themes of personal mortality and to changes in interpersonal relationships. The event of parent death was an important symbolic event for midlife adults and merits further study.” (Patterns of Change following Parent Death in Midlife Adults, Joan D. Douglas, 1991)

Another article discusses children’s psychological distress when a parent dies. It states that a parental death in someone’s childhood is a profound psychological insult, which indicates that a child shouldn’t have to deal with such enormous distress because it threatens mental and physical wellbeing and development. “Considerable clinical and research attention has been directed toward understanding the long- and short-term consequences of parental death during childhood. Existing evidence suggests that bereaved children constitute a vulnerable population, at increased risk for social impairment and/or psychopathology, not only during the immediate post bereavement period but extending into adulthood as well (Baker et al., 1992; Berlinsky and Biller, 1982; Brown et al., 1986; Finkelstein, 1988; Kaffman et al., 1987; Kranzler et al., 1990; Osterweis et al., 1984; Siegel et al., 1996; Tweed et al., 1989; Van Eederwegh et al., 1982; Weller et al., 1991). Although this vulnerability has been well documented, less attention has been given to understanding the role of specific situational factors in children's adjustment to the death of a parent. These factors can be conceptualized broadly in three domains: background characteristics, factors associated with the parent's death, and attributes of the family environment.”

Continue reading the article here.

A pandemic had taken over people’s daily life, and it is still around. Unfortunately, many have lost someone due to the pandemic, and the journey from someone’s illness or sudden demise to their funeral is something that none of us has experienced before. “When we spoke of mourning on other occasions, those processes took place against a stable background that we generally took for granted (Perls et al., 1951; Kübler-Ross,1969).”

‘Only the Living Can Witness the Passing of Death: Mourning in Times of Pandemic’ by Carmen Vázquez Bandín is a report that discusses the special characteristics of the psychotherapy process with people who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Loss is excruciating and complex because many factors determine its effects on a person. Sometimes the consequences can be more significant than expected, especially if we talk about increased mortality risk, which is not a minor issue.

Be aware of your surroundings, background, and personal thoughts, and do not underestimate your mental wellbeing when dealing with loss.